I would like to call last week the "Week of Requirements". During this time, I rushed to accomplish most of the clinic requirements before the rotation ends this week. The rotation of the batch in this clinic was cut to 6 months, stripped of two months due to the Christmas break, so the interns have to work double time.
In this journal entry, I wish to chronicle what transpired last week and reflect on my course of actions:
At the start of the said week, I still had the following requirements yet to be done: (1) three evaluations (performance and documentation); (2) endorsement notes for all my patients and; (3) clinical case presentation. [Case Pre]. Add to these were the handwritten running notes that I had to do daily.
During the past weekend, I failed to finish the requirements I could have done such as the endorsement notes and Case Pre PowerPoint slides because I was busied by another important academic-related matter.
I decided to do the endorsement notes in a day-by-day basis and not pass all of them in one go. I had planned to start doing the three evaluations on Monday but only did so on Wednesday because the patients set for re-evaluation did not attend their sessions.
On Wednesday, I had one evaluation documentation due on Friday, three running notes, and four endorsement notes due the next day. On Thursday, I had two evaluation documentations, four running notes, two endorsement notes and PowerPoint slides due the next day. Fortunately, I finished the requirements although much to my chagrin, the quality of each was compromised.
All those cramming were admittedly my fault. As I had said on the second paragraph, I could have done most of them in advance but did not do so. What I did was technically procrastination but I like others to empathize and see it as a sign of my giving up. I am probably at the threshold of my frustration tolerance.
I started the rotation with an optimistic attitude, genuinely hoping that I could maximize my stay in the clinic and help all the pediatric patients entrusted to me by the institution . I tried to keep the optimism but cannot keep it from wavering. I believe I did a good job of keeping my optimism at its highest every my patient care because I did not want to do disservice. My goals for the patients were genuinely considered, the treatment properly done, and the evaluations performed thoroughly, all to the best of my abilities, all in the hopes that the patients would benefit.
I seem to have no place in this profession, considering all my feedback as an intern. Despite doing my best, I failed at an institution. I tried to prove that my failure was a mistake but before I even proved it, I was told that my claim was all in my mind.
I had initially intended to end this entry in a bad note but decided against it in the end. I believe that despite my performance's being barely average as rated by my supervisors, as long as my intention is sincere, I can still do my purpose. Also, with the sincerest hopes of my instructors for me to improve, why should there be an option for me to fail?
The "Week of Requirements" may have already passed. The week where all ends will pass soon. The impression that I am not a good pediatric physical therapy intern may not be changed even after all ends, but that does not mean that my future as a physical therapist in the future has already ended.
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